Quotes
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Joe Dirt: Things are gonna happen for me, I`m Joe Dirt.
Joe Dirt: [talking to himself while brushing hair in the mirror] People like that security guard. They don`t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. Alls I got to do is keep bein` a good person. No matter what, good things`ll come my way. Everything`s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.
[toilet flushes and man walks out of stall. Joe looks down awkwardly]
Joe Dirt: Right on. Things are gonna happen for me! I`m Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt: Comin` to work. Joe Deertay.
KXLA Security Guard: Don`t try and church it up son. Don`t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must`ve really hated you.
Joe Dirt: You`re wrong brother.
KXLA Security Guard: I got a good name for this car, rusty.
Joe Dirt: Shit`ll buff out.
KXLA Security Guard: Don`t bother, just drive this piece of crap off a cliff. Do us all a favor.
Joe Dirt: Does this look like a piece of crap to you? Like them spinnin` tires do you?
KXLA Security Guard: You suck!
Joe Dirt: You do!
Joe Dirt: Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin` and it was grossin` everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don`t mean to get all scientific with you...
Joe Dirt: Why don`t you go practice fallin` down. I`ll be there in a minute.
Railroad Boy #1: You wanna fight you little queer?
Joe Dirt: Queer? Is this queer? These queer?
[slappin muslces]
Joe Dirt: Whats up? Whats up?
Meteor Bert: Well, it ain`t a meteor.
Joe Dirt: Yeah it is. It came out of the sky.
Meteor Bert: Well I`m sure it did but it ain`t no meteor. It`s a big ol frozen chunk o` shit.
Joe Dirt: What!
Meteor Bert: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call `em Boeing bombs
[chomps teeth]
Joe Dirt: no that can`t be. That`s not what it is
Meteor Bert: oh, afraid so. See that peanut? Dead giveaway.
Joe Dirt: Uhhh, no, that`s a space peanut.
Meteor Bert: No, afraid not. That just a big ol` frozen chunk of poopy.
Studio manager: Dude you were eating off it!
Robby: [Robby`s car sprays joe with rocks] Oh, Dirt, did I getcha?
Joe Dirt: No, I`m cool.
Robby: No your not.
Joe Dirt: Hey man, you done with that apple core
Zeke: [farts] I`m done with that fart. You want that?
Joe Dirt: Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton`s ass I`d take a bite.
Zeke: Yeah you probably like JR you queer. I saw your bumper sticker :Cowboy`s butts drive me nuts
Joe Dirt: Is that right? You think thats queer? Is this queer?
[slapping muscles]
Joe Dirt: they`re large and in charge and lookin` for chickies.
Zeke: You wanna back that up?
Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don`t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air.
Zeke: That`s it. You and me, lets go.
Joe Dirt: You know I`d love to beat your ass all up and down this place but I gotta go back to work.
Oil Rig boss: Joe dirt, your fired. Here`s your weeks pay.
Joe Dirt: Dang
Joe Dirt: I got the poo on me!
Joe Dirt: [Facing mirror] She`s your sister dude she`s gotta be and you made out with her man! What`s wrong with you, you pervert!
[turns away from mirror]
Joe Dirt: Well I didn`t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it`s not my fault. And she`s one of the hottest girls on the planet.
[turns back to mirror]
Joe Dirt: You just said your sisters hot! What a fuhreak! You`re going to hell man!
[turns away from mirror]
Joe Dirt: I gotta tell her what happened, why I got weird. And for god sakes` I gotta treat her like a sister.
[next scene, you hear them having sex]
Joe Dirt: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Jill: Sure will. Do you want to go back to my place?
Joe Dirt: Sure do
Joe Dirt: I`m a rocker through and through. Here`s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard...
Robby: You all right Dirt?
Joe Dirt: Yeah, I`m cool.
Robby: No you`re not.
Joe Dirt: Life`s a garden, dig it?
Joe Dirt: When bad pets go bad, dang.
Zander Kelly: Now, you`re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?
Joe Dirt: So your gonna` tell me that you don`t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don`t.
Joe Dirt: You`re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don`t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it`s not what you like, it`s the consumer.
Railroad Boy #1: Oh - it`s *so* flat!
Joe Dirt: Turn it up
Joe Dirt: Keep on, keepin` on
Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?
Old Cajun man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Oh.
[Walks away]
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn`t help me.
Buffalo Bob: It puts the lotion on it`s skin or else it gets the hose again.
Joe Dirt: Right on. You`re Joe Meteorite and I`m Joe Dirt.
Joe Dirt: You guys got somethin` to say to me? Why don`t you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? they don`t like no feed back, what`s up?
Joe Dirt: This croc ain`t no puppy.
[Trying to scrape Charlie the dog`s testicles off the frozen porch]
Joe Dirt: Now, this ain`t no flapjack, so I`m gonna be real careful, I won`t look.
Joe Dirt: My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.
Zander Kelly: What`s the story here, I`m a white trash idiot?
[Joe falls off a swing]
Joe Dirt: And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.
Joe Dirt: Well today I`m gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that`s right I said Hemi
Jill: Wow. A Hemi. Balls to the Wall.
Joe Dirt: Yep, left it at a friends house
[under his breath]
Joe Dirt: actually it got towed away two years ago
[loud again]
Joe Dirt: but I`m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.
Jill: That`s a big ten-four.
Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I`m number one. Rule number two, the croc`s number two.
[when the dog starts humping Little Joe`s leg]
Little Joe Dirt: Can I Push him off of me?
Miss Clipper: He`ll stop humping as soon as he`s done
Zander Kelly: God Almighty, from inbred heaven?, hey freak boy, 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.
Joe Dirt: And you`ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying `what`s up, baby?`
Zander Kelly: What`s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
Clem: [talking to fire extinguisher] You`re talking to me all wrong... It`s the wrong tone. You do it again and I`ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!
Joe Dirt: That shit`ll buff out.
Joe Dirt: Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
Joe Dirt: Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where`s the good stuff man?
Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
Joe Dirt: Are you nuts dude? You need stuff that`ll explode. Go *boom*!
Kicking Wing: Why is that good?
Joe Dirt: Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick `em in mailboxes, you drop `em in toilets, shove `em up bullfrogs asses.
Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don`t you stick your head up my ass and fight for air?
Zander Kelly: Don`t you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe.
Chemistry Student: If my calculations are correct, this will create ice... OH NO, KILLER MUSTARD GAS!
Miss Clipper: Well, the puke pile`s over there. It`s a pretty big pile of puke.
Robby: Def Leppard sucks!
Joe Dirt: Buffalo Bob`s kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt`s a weird name and how cool am I?
Joe Dirt: [talking to Buffalo Bob] Hey to tell you the truth brother, between you and me, that thing with the dog is comin` off a little fruity. I mean that`s just me. Hey, where`s my supplies?
Buffalo Bob: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ`s sake!
[Shoving down a basket]
Buffalo Bob: Here!
Joe Dirt: [squeal of delight] Oh yeah, Auto Trader. Dang, August, I don`t got this one.
Joe Dirt: Life`s a garden, dig it.
Trivia
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Roseanne and Gary Busey were originally cast as Joe Dirt`s parents. After shooting the scene director Dennie Gordon decided that Roseanne`s star-power was too distracting, and opted to re-shoot the scene with Caroline Aaron and Fred Ward.
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# Near the end of the movie, Clem is referred to as "Gert B. Frobe". Gert Fröbe was a German actor perhaps best known for the title role of the James Bond film Goldfinger (1964).
Each time Robby (Kid Rock) gets dust in Joe`s face with his car, the song "You Ain`t Seen Nothin` Yet" is playing. This happens 3 times.
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# While in Louisiana, Joe bumps into Farmer Fran (Blake Clark) in front of his old house. Farmer Fran was one of the coaches in The Waterboy (1998) (set in Louisiana as well), which Adam Sandler executive produced along with Joe Dirt (2001).
All of Dennis Miller`s scenes were filmed in one day.
Kid Rock`s character name is "Robby". Kid Rock`s real name is Robert Ritchie.
The part about the dog`s kibble getting frozen to the porch and thawed with warm water and a spatula is from comic Tom McGillen`s act. McGillen is a friend of writer Fred Wolf and also has a small part in the film.
The hardtop that Joe Dirt drove throughout most of the movie is a replica of a 1969 Dodge Daytona, a limited production car built for only one year during the muscle car era of the late sixties and early seventies. Only 503 of the real Daytonas were ever built.
The convertible "Hemi" used in the movie is a 1967 Plymouth GTX.
The scene in which Joe, while working at the quarter toss booth at the carnival, sprays the plates down with PAM is a reference to his 1998 stand-up special Take The Hit in which he joked about trying to make a quarter land on a plate sprayed with PAM at a carnival.
Producer/performer Anthony Begonia wore his high school band aloha shirt in the "We Love Dirt" crowd scenes.
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# The part of Kicking Wing was originally intended for Evan Adams, who starred in as Thomas Builds-the-Fire in "Smoke Signals" with Adam Beach. To remedy the mistake, Beach`s hair was braided and he wore glasses like the Thomas character.
The scene where young Joe is `left behind` by his parents at the Grand Canyon was actually not Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona, but rather was Utah`s scenic "Dead Horse Point State Park."
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# According to Dennis Miller (on his radio show 11/26/2008) he has yet to see the movie, saying that "Someone told [him] there is a scene where fecal matter falls from an airplane and hits someone on the head," and this may not be his type of movie to watch. But likes that it gives him "caché with his kids` friends."
SPOILER: The story line of Christopher Walken`s character, Clem, is similar to the plot of Dead Reckoning (1947). Both have characters that are trying to avoid publicity after a courageous act and both end up getting killed, though Walken`s character ends up having just faked his death.
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