Quotes
 Martin: I smell something weird down here. Smells like ya`ll been hitting the Devil`s lettuce. Eddie Cantrow: This is my dad.
Lila: Oh, hi Dad.
Doc: Nice to meet you, Lila.
Lila: How do you know my name?
Doc: Okay, cat`s out of the bag. My son found your panties on the sidewalk and we`ve been talking about you all week. Eddie, give her back her undies.
Doc: Now listen to me and listen to me good! When your wife, on her honeymoon, asks you to cock her, you cock her good, God damn it!
Mac: Happy wife, happy life!
Doc: So, what`s new Eddie? Anything exciting?
Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that`s been kind of cool.
Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin` any pussy?
[last lines]
Eddie Cantrow: Fuck me.
Martin: Miranda, we are ready to play parcheesi!
Lila: I wouldn`t change a darn thing because it made me who I am today, and do you know who I am today?
Eddie Cantrow: Who are you.
Lila: I`m Mrs. Edmond Cantrow.
Eddie Cantrow: Edward.
Lila: Edward? You didn`t tell me that!
Lila: Oh Grouchy Marx, calm down.
Eddie Cantrow: Oh, excuse me.
Flamboyant Man: Yeah.
Eddie Cantrow: Hey, are you running this whole thing?
Flamboyant Man: Oh. Sure. Walk up to the first homo you see and assume he`s the wedding coordinator, right? Nice.
Eddie Cantrow: No, no. I didn`t - I didn`t mean that.
Flamboyant Man: Nice stereotype, buddy. Nice.
[the obviously gay wedding coordinator walks up to them]
Wedding Coordinator: [in a sing-song voice] Did I hear someone say "wedding coordinator"? That would be *moi*!
[simpering]
Wedding Coordinator: How can I help you?
[after a pause, the flamboyant man simply walks away]
10 Year Old Girl: Are you like a widow or something?
Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, I`m a widow. Yeah.
10 Year Old Girl: Sorry.
12 Year Old Twin: He`s full of it. He`s gay.
Eddie Cantrow: No. I`m not gay.
12 Year Old Twin: Let`s play 5 in 5 then.
Eddie Cantrow: What is that?
12 Year Old Twin: It`s where I ask you 5 questions in 5 seconds. If you`re telling the truth, then you shouldn`t have to think.
Eddie Cantrow: [shrugs] Yeah, I don`t wanna play your game, sorry.
12 Year Old Twin: Quick - how`d your wife die?
Eddie Cantrow: Murdered.
12 Year Old Twin: How?
Eddie Cantrow: Icepick.
12 Year Old Twin: They get the guy?
Eddie Cantrow: Yeah.
12 Year Old Twin: What was his name?
Eddie Cantrow: Ronald.
12 Year Old Twin: Brad Pitt. Russell Crowe. Who`s hotter?
Eddie Cantrow: Brad Pitt.
12 Year Old Twin, 12 Year Old Twin: [point and laugh victoriously]
Eddie Cantrow: No no, no, I thought you meant who`s hotter career-wise...
Doc: Come on, kid, let`s get out of here. Bitches be crazy, you know that.
Eddie Cantrow: Hey, Martin!
Martin: Hello, asshole.
Eddie Cantrow: Great to see you too!
Eddie Cantrow: [to the 12 Year Old Twins] You know what? Why don`t you take your little Human Genome Project and hit the road. Homophobic hobbits.
Eddie Cantrow: You`re in debt? What kind of debt?
Lila: You know, the kind where you owe a lot of money to people.
Lila: Fuck me like a black guy, Eddie, come on!
Eddie Cantrow: I love sports. In fact, I even lost my virginity on a baseball diamond.
Buzz: Oh, you`re too much. Really?
Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, yeah. A couple of the older kids pushed down and -
[growls]
Eddie Cantrow: [everyone stops laughing]
Eddie Cantrow: It was not pretty.
[pause]
Gayla: Did you file charges?
Eddie Cantrow: No, I...
Miranda: He was making a joke, Gayla.
Deborah: About anal rape...?
Eddie Cantrow: [about Lila] She doesn`t have a great sense of humor.
Doc: Are you out of your mind? Funny`s a male gene, you idiot. Haven`t you ever noticed whenever you see a really funny girl, she`s a little mannish? Think about it. Lily Tomlin, Evelyn DeGeneres, Rosie O`Donnell...
Mac: Oh, I got a thing for Ellen DeGeneres though. I do, I have to admit it. I think she`s great, I think she`s hot. Great ass. Check it out.
Eddie Cantrow: Hey, uh, do you think you could tell me where I could find Uncle Tito?
Tito: Yes. Uh, may I ask who`s inquiring?
Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, my name`s Eddie Cantrow and I`m a friend of a friend of his. I`m supposed to give him something.
Tito: I`m sorry to tell you this, but he no longer works here. He`s actually in jail, serving six to ten years. He was caught having cock-fights. And I`m not speaking about the kind of rooster.
Eddie Cantrow: Oh.
Tito: Screw off! I`m joking, man! C`mon! I am Uncle Tito.
[repeated line]
Tito: Screw off! I`m joking, man!
Trivia
ason Bateman and Amy Poehler were originally cast as the leads, when James Bobin was signed on to direct the film, replacing Barry Sonnenfeld.
Release prints were shipped to some theaters under the fake title "Hansel". Hansel is a character in Zoolander (2001), another Ben Stiller movie.
In some areas, release prints were delivered to theaters with the fake title `Cork`.
Some names for the film pitched by TitleDoctors to the studio are "Mrs. Right Now," "Unintentionally Yours," and "Damned If I Do".
Eddie`s father, Doc, is played by Jerry Stiller, Ben Stiller`s father in real life.
During the drive and the arrival Ben Stiller’s character is wearing a Jack Johnson shirt. Ben Stiller was in Jack Johnson`s video for the song "Taylor."
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Ben Stiller
(as Eddie Cantrow)
with Michelle Monaghan
(as Miranda)
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