Quotes
 Louis: The kangaroo got the money!
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Louis: I put the money in the jacket, and the jacket on the kangaroo, and now he`s hopping away!
[Louis keeps driving into termite mounds]
Charlie: Be careful Louis! You almost missed one!
Charlie: I`m sorry for feeling your boobs I didn`t think they were real.
[they are running away from the cops]
Louis: They`re scaring Waffles!
Charlie: Well, maybe you should have thought about that before taking your dog on a crime spree!
Charlie: I just got my ass kicked by a marsupial.
Charlie: On that fateful day twenty years ago, Louis Booker saved my life and I never forgot it. He wouldn`t let me.
Charlie: I think I just sweated out a bottle of Yoo-hoo I drank in the eighth grade.
Kangaroo Jack: I can sing, I can dance, I can even do impersonations.
[imitating Dr. Evil]
Kangaroo Jack: Throw me a friggin` bone, here! I have a son! I shall call him... Mini Roo!
Charlie: I am Bolo Man.
Louis: That`s what I`m talkin` about.
Louis: Sal won`t kill you. He`s married to your mother.
Charlie: If Sal Maggio thinks I stole his money, he`ll kill me in front of my mother and then make her clean it up.
Charlie: [sipping a rock he thinks is a slurpee] Brain freeze!
Charlie: Look at her. She thinks she`s so much smarter than us.
Louis: I`m pretty sure she is, Charlie.
Charlie: [Inappropriately touching Jessie`s boobs] Louis, they feel so real.
[Charlie chuckles]
Louis: Mm-hmm
[Charlie turns around; Jessie knocks him out with a canteen]
Louis: [as a kangaroo] You know what, Sal? You were right about him. Chicken blood!
Sal Maggio: Smell it on his father. Smell it on him. Chicken blood.
Kangaroo Jack: Oy! Chicken blood!
Louis, Sal, & Kangaroo Jack: Chicken blood! Chicken blood! Chicken blood!
Charlie: It`s you.
Kangaroo Jack: Yeah, it`s me. Love the jacket, Charlie. It`s hard to get something that fits my shoulders. Nice! How did you know Red was my favorite color?
Charlie: [surprised] You can talk!
Kangaroo Jack: And I can sing.
[sings "Rapper`s Delight"]
Charlie: This is great.
Kangaroo Jack: [singing from "Rapper`s Delight"] /... see I am Jackie Legs and I like to say, "Hello" / To the black to the white...
Charlie: Jackie? Mr. Legs, if you would find your way clear to give me back my money?
Kangaroo Jack: Money? Oh, you mean that money
[a pack of kangaroo are messing around with the money]
Charlie: Stop that. Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please! If Sal finds out...
Sal Maggio: [as a kangaroo] If I find out what, Charlie? That you lost my money?
Charlie: Sal?
Sal Maggio: I`ve asked you to do something. This is not that!
Charlie: My name is Carbone, which means skinny white boy with a gun
[Sal watched his factory of stolen merchandise become raided by the NYPD on the news]
Sal Maggio: [disappointed] Louis Booker, you degenerate moron. Were these Medieval Times and you, a knight in shining armor, you would have, I have no doubt, slayed the maiden and saved the dragon.
[Waffles, Louis` puppy growls]
Louis: Shh! Waffles!
Charlie: Sal, we can explain...
Sal Maggio: [cuts Charlie off] As for you, Charlie. After the tragic death of your father, I married your mother promising her I would raise you as my own. *You* chose not to take the Maggio name. I did not complain. And when you wanted to go to Beauty School, as boys who lose their fathers early in life often do, I did not snivel at interventions, did I?
Charlie: No, Salvatore, you didn`t. In fact...
Sal Maggio: In fact, I happened to bought a beauty parlor so you could sit on you lazy butt all day long. $4.5 million you cost me. Were you anybody else, you be dead by now.
Charlie: Look, Sal, we know that your upset.
Sal Maggio: It`s not your fault.
Charlie: What?
Sal Maggio: A lion can raise a mouse, but the mouse is still a mouse. And you, Charlie, are that mouse. Look at this. He takes it. Chicken blood.
Jessie: What`s going on?
Charlie: We`re in a little bit of trouble.
Jessie: A little?
Mr. Smith: I`ve been following camel tracks all bloody morning, so lets make short work of this. Where`s me moolah?
Jessie: For god sakes! All this over $4,000?
[Charlie chuckles nervously]
Jessie: It`s more, isn`t it? How much more?
Charlie: Forty-six thousand more.
Mr. Smith: And every cent of it is mine. Now there are only two ways we can do this, and one of them`s a lot less painful than the other. Whare`s the money?
Louis: See, what happened was we put the money in the jacket and then the jacket on the...
Mr. Smith: Wrong answer! Your friend told us the yarn about the kangaroo. Mate, I`ve hope for your sake you were stupid enough to hide that money in them saddle bags.
Charlie: You gotta believe us!
Mr. Smith: [Sticks a knife at Charlie`s throat] No, you gotta believe me. If it ain`t there, I`m gonna carve you up piece by piece.
Jessie: So it`s safe to assume your not on vacation.
Louis: No. Charlie`s stepfather is a mobster back in New York, and he had us sent out here to deliver a package.
Jessie: Oh! And you got me in the middle of this?
Charlie: I am so sorry, Jessie. I never thought this would happen.
Jessie: And you lied to me.
Frankie Lombardo: [Cocks gun; points it at Charlie] This is from Sal Maggio.
Charlie: Frankie! We got the money. We got it back!
[picks up the package]
Charlie: We got it!
Frankie Lombardo: You don`t get it, do ya, Charlie? Sal not dissapointed because he cares about the money. He`s disappointed because you two aren`t dead! What do think he was paying Smith fifty grand for?
Louis: You mean to tell me that traveled halfway across the world to pay for our own execution?
Frankie Lombardo: Yeah. You two were the bag men for your own hit. Pretty clever, eh?
Charlie: Not on our part.
Frankie Lombardo: Say, "Good Night."
Charlie: [after kissing Jessie under the waterfall] Okay, I`ll admit it. This is the most romantic moment of my entire life.
Louis: [Runs over] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Does a cannonball into the water]
Charlie: And now it`s over.
Louis: [Louis and Charlie are in an airplane restroom together and find out that the envelope is full of money] Check this out!
Charlie: Hey, you`re not supposed to open this.
Louis: Hey, man, that`s like fifty grand in there.
Charlie: Oh my god! Something doesn`t smell right here. Look at it!
Louis: I know! I`m looking! I`ve never seen so much green in one little brown package.
Charlie: And now it`s in my hands. Aw, it slipped out!
Louis: Ohhh!
Charlie: Here, help me scoop it up.
Louis: Oh, this is one big load.
Charlie: What a mess!
Louis: Just want to roll around in it!
Charlie: Hand me the rest of the pile.
Louis: Can I hold it?
Charlie: No! Dump it in the envelope!
Louis: Maybe we should just flush it.
Charlie: We`re not gonna flush it. I`m gonna put it in my pocket, leave this room, and take it to Australia.
Louis: If you`re gonna do that, give it here! Let me kiss it for good luck.
Charlie: You`re not gonna kiss it. It`s bad enough you touched it!
Louis: Charlie, before you put it away, can I at least smell it?
Charlie: Maybe later.
Charlie: I never saw it. Such a beautiful animal. It`s the national symbol of Australia. And I killed it.
Louis: Don`t worry, Charlie. We`ll get the money back, all right? He can`t go far.
Charlie: It`s a continent, Louis. He can go *very* far.
Louis: I know it`s a continent. I read the book.
Charlie: Did you happen to read the chapter on not putting your jacket on a wild animal?
Louis: No, but I did read the chapter on how an aborigine can kill a white man with a twig. Do you want to see that one?
Blue: G`day. The name`s Blue.
Charlie: Charlie.
Blue: Heh heh. Nice to meet ya, Chezzar.
Charlie: Charlie.
Blue: That`s what I said: Chezzar.
Louis: [hugging Charlie] We`re having a very intimate, non-gay moment.
Charlie: Uh-oh. Dingos.
Charlie: Hey that one kinda looks like Waffles.
Louis: Yeah if Waffles had a crazed look in her eyes and her face caked in blood.
Mr. Smith: Have you ever held a gun before, Charlie?
Louis: Don`t answer that!
Charlie: No...
Mr. Smith: Ever killed a man, Charlie?
Louis: Don`t answer that!
Charlie: No.
Mr. Smith: What do you do for a livin` that makes you so brave, Charlie?
Louis: *Really* don`t answer that!
Charlie: [cocks the gun] I`m a hairdresser!
Trivia
Producer Jerry Bruckheimer added a scene where the title kangaroo talks after seeing the success of the Disney release Snow Dogs (2002), which used a similar plot device.
Inspired by an urban legend.
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