Trivia and Quotes
Quotes
 Frank Beardsley: [narrating] It was a typical wedding: enemies of the bride on the right, enemies of the groom on the left.
Jean North: You mean he doesn`t know about us?
HelenNorth: Well, of course he does, darling!
Jean North: All of us?
Colleen North: Oh, Mother, that`s so romantic! You lied to him!
Helen North: I did not lie to him! I just didn`t have the nerve to tell him the whole truth!
Colleen North: Mmm, I understand! No man wants a liaison with a woman with eight children!
Janette North: What`s a liaison?
Colleen North: An affair.
Janette North: That`s what I thought.
Jean North: Me too.
Phillip North: I`m legal!
Sister Mary Alice: I got here as fast as I could, Sister Mary. What is it this time?
Sister Mary Alice: Why don`t you ask Phillip?
Helen North: Phillip?
[Phillip turns around revealing a black eye]
Helen North: Darling! What happened?
Phillip North: Nothing.
Helen North: Who did that to you?
Phillip North: One of the kids.
[points at Sister Mary]
Phillip North: *She* started it. She says I`m not legal.
Helen North: What?
Phillip North: And Mike isn`t my brother.
Helen North: Of course he`s your brother.
Phillip North: Then my name`s Phillip Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: Phillip North.
Phillip North: There she goes again.
Sister Mary Alice: Sister, couldn`t you - couldn`t you just call him Phillip Beardsley?
Sister Mary Alice: I`m sorry, but the school requires that we use their legal names.
Phillip North: Let`s go to another school.
Helen North: Sister, I, uh, I understand your legal problem, but you must try to understand mine. You see, I`m trying to bring two families together, and this is the first sign that I may be succeeding. So I really would appreciate it if you`d let Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: But legally, it`s North.
Sister Mary Alice: But it`s more important that emotionally, it`s Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North.
Helen North: Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North!
Helen North: Beardsley, Beardsley, Beardsley!
Phillip North: Watch out, Mom. You might get a black eye.
HelenNorth: I got here as fast as I could, Sister Mary. What is it this time?
Sister Mary Alice: Why don`t you ask Phillip?
HelenNorth: Phillip?
[Phillip turns around revealing a black eye]
HelenNorth: Darling! What happened?
Phillip North: Nothing.
HelenNorth: Who did that to you?
Phillip North: One of the kids.
[points at Sister Mary]
Phillip North: *She* started it. She says I`m not legal.
HelenNorth: What?
Phillip North: And Mike isn`t my brother.
HelenNorth: Of course he`s your brother.
Phillip North: Then my name`s Phillip Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: Phillip North.
Phillip North: There she goes again.
HelenNorth: Sister couldn`t you - couldn`t you just call him Phillip Beardsley?
Sister Mary Alice: I`m sorry, but the school requires that we use their legal names.
Phillip North: Let`s go to another school.
HelenNorth: Sister, I, uh, I understand your legal problem, but you must try to understand mine. You see, I`m trying to bring two families together, and this is the first sign that I may be succeeding. So I really would appreciate it if you`d let Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: But legally, it`s North.
HelenNorth: But it`s more important that emotionally, it`s Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North.
HelenNorth: Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North!
HelenNorth: Beardsley, Beardsley, Beardsley!
Phillip North: Watch out, Mom. You might get a black eye.
HelenNorth: [getting ready for her date with Frank] Good heavens! What did you do to this dress?
Colleen North: Oh, Mother, it was practically an antique!
Janette North: We just shortened it a little.
HelenNorth: A little? I look like a teeny-bopper!
Janette North: What`s wrong with that?
HelenNorth: I can`t go out like this!
Jean North: Why not? Your legs are better than mine.
Family Doctor: Call my wife, will you, and tell her I`m on my way home?
[beat]
Family Doctor: And tell her thank you.
Frank Beardsley: For what?
Family Doctor: We don`t have any children.
HelenNorth: Frank, there`s something I have to tell you before we go any further. I have eight children.
[sudden panic]
HelenNorth: Frank! We`re on a cable car!
Frank Beardsley: Of course.
HelenNorth: I get sick on cable cars!
Frank Beardsley: Well wait`ll you hear what I have to tell you. I have TEN children.
HelenNorth: Ten. TEN? Frank! Eight and ten is...
Frank Beardsley: Ridiculous.
Warrant Officer Darrel Harrison: [after Helen`s false eyelash falls into her drink] Your Irish coffee is *winking* at me.
Howard Beardsley: Is, uh, is this the Beardsleys` new house?
Nancy Beardsley: We`ve come to deliver the babies.
Family Doctor: Oh, have a heart! Leave them on somebody else`s doorstep.
HelenNorth: [drunk] Boy, if this damn room would stop rolling around maybe I could find some place to be sick!
Family Doctor: [Helen is pregnant, but Mike doesn`t know] How`s your mother?
Mike Beardsley: You mean my stepmother. Oh, she`s fine, I guess.
Family Doctor: No morning sickness?
Mike Beardsley: No, doc, I feel fine.
Family Doctor: Not you, your mother!
Mike Beardsley: Well, why should she have mor - ? Morning sickness!
[rolls his eyes in disbelief]
Family Doctor: We need a sample of your blood.
Mike Beardsley: Take it all!
Mike Beardsley: [confronting Helen about her pregnancy] You knew about it Christmas Day, didn`t you?
HelenNorth: Yes.
Mike Beardsley: And you still let Dad ship out. Why?
HelenNorth: He wanted so much to go. Two people can`t live with an ocean between them for the rest of their lives.
Mike Beardsley: Do you really want this baby?
HelenNorth: Very much. You see, he won`t have to worry whether he`s a Beardsley or a North.
[Mike nods his head in understanding]
Frank Beardsley: We`ve decided to use our company manners. Helen, the boys have something to say to you.
Greg Beardsley: Mrs. North, I apologize for putting all that gin in your drink.
HelenNorth: Ooh, *that`s* what did it.
Rusty Beardsley: And I apologize for all that vodka.
Mike Beardsley: And I apologize for the scotch.
HelenNorth: Scotch, vodka, and - ?
Frank Beardsley: Helen, you`ve been the victim of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor. It`s amazing you survived at all.
Colleen North: Larry says he`ll never speak to me again unless I grow up. He says that I`m being ridiculous and I don`t love him, but I do love him. Am I being ridiculous?
Frank Beardsley: You`re not being ridiculous.
Colleen North: Well, do all the other girls, like Larry says? And am I just being old-fashioned?
Frank Beardsley: The same idiots were passing the same rumors when I was your age, but if all the girls did, how come I always ended up with the ones who didn`t?
Colleen North: But it`s all different now!
Frank Beardsley: I don`t know, they wrote Fanny Hill in 1742 and they haven`t found anything new since.
Veronica Beardsley: Who`s Fanny Hill?
Frank Beardsley: Go to bed, that`s who Fanny Hill is.
Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...
Frank Beardsley: I`ve got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it`s all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.
HelenNorth: What are you two talking about?
Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.
HelenNorth: Not now!
Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.
[to Colleen]
Frank Beardsley: It`s giving life that counts. Until you`re ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won`t keep it turning. Life isn`t a love in, it`s the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I`ll tell you something else: it isn`t going to a bed with a man that proves you`re in love with him; it`s getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.
[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]
Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?
HelenNorth: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.
Frank Beardsley: If we don`t get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it`s going to be explained right here!
Frank Beardsley: Is that all? Why didn`t she tell me?
Helen North: Because you would have said, "Is that all?".
Helen North: Your blues and greens are wonderful, but your he`s and she`s got a little mixed up.
Frank Beardsley: I don`t quite understand. Am I being stupid?
Helen North: No, you`re being a man. Which is sometimes the same thing.
Frank Beardsley: [narrating why his ten kids resent him] Truthfully, I think they blamed me for neglecting their mother all those years. But there seemed to me that there was enough physical evidence I hadn`t neglected her completely!
Trivia
Based upon the real story of Helen Eileen Beardsley and her husband.
The real Helen Eileen Beardsley appeared on "To Tell the Truth" (1956) where she related her story to the panel.
Helen Eileen Beardsley (who wrote the book Who Gets the Drumsticks? on which this was based) died 26 April 2000, aged 70, Healdsburg, California, USA (Parkinson`s disease).
The wedding invitation used in the movie is the actual wedding invitation designed by Frank Beardsley, husband of the real Helen Eileen Beardsley. The children`s names are listed in their real-life birth order.
The baby born at the end of the movie is Joseph John Beardsley. He was born in the early hours of 14 July 1962.
Lucille Ball co-produced the film under her company, Desilu Productions. When the film became a surprise smash hit grossing over $17 million on a $2.5 million investment, she became furious about it. She hadn`t anticipated the film`s huge box-office success and failed to provide a tax shelter for her personal profits, resulting in most of her share going in taxes.
Henry Fonda replaced Fred MacMurray on short notice.
The commercial success of Yours, Mine and Ours led ABC and Paramount Studios to green-light "The Brady Bunch" (1969).
During a Barbara Walters interview, Jane Fonda claimed that her father was deeply in love with Lucille Ball and that the two were "very close" during the filming of Yours, Mine and Ours (1968).
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Henry Fonda
(as Frank Beardsley)
with Lucille Ball
(as Helen North Beardsley)
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