Spring is nature`s way of saying, "Let`s party!"

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Spring is nature`s way of saying, "Let`s party!"

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man`s genitals through his wallet.

Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They`d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. About comic lines written by Mark Shaiman being removed for innuendo (i.e. Chip `n Dale are both strippers") the week before for his presenting of Best Animated Film at the 77th Academy Awards: "For a while you get mad, then you get over it. They`re afraid of saying Olive Oyl is anorexic. It tells you about the state of humor. It`s strange to think: how afraid are you? We thought that they got the irony of it. I guess not."

About Canada - "Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party."

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

They`re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

Cocaine is God`s way of saying that you`re making too much money.

God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.

...And now that you have a child you have to clean up your act, `cause you can`t drink anymore. You can`t come home drunk and go, `Hey, here`s a little switch: Daddy`s gonna throw up on you!`

You`re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn`t lose it.

I`m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I`m telling myself `if you`re not funny, it`s a problem` - to troops in Iraq

[While accepting the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Good Will Hunting] Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, `Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.`

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I`ve ever eaten. It`s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

I believe I could do dance on ice, or play in a musical of Freud`s life called `It`s Your Mother` - or maybe one for the symbolists: `Jung at Heart`. There`s always the one about India: `The Gandhi Man Can`.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they`ve got nothing to lose.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man`s genitals through his wallet.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying `I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.` The other is `You want fries with that?`

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

[on his acting career]: "All the new people you meet, it`s pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful."

If you watch it backwards, it has a plot. - about Popeye (1980)

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Countering the complaint that the juiciest roles go to younger actors: "They (the roles) may not be financially enriching, but personally enriching? Yes. You are no longer under pressure. You don`t have to prove yourself on some levels, but you do have to [creatively] push yourself."

Cocaine is God`s way of telling you you are making too much money.

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

Williams is `the Tasmanian devil of comedy`. - Entertainment Weekly

You`re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn`t lose it.

"We have a president for whom English is a second language. He`s like `We have to get rid of dictators,` but he`s pretty much one himself."