`I knew I was in trouble when I couldn`t make it offstage quick enough to get whatever variety of shit I was tipping down me. I thought to myself: There are people working in gas stations, and all these menial jobs, to put money aside to see the Ozzfest, and I`m more interested in going back to the hotel, and doing a bag of white powder, or whatever shit it is I`m on.`

Of all the things I`ve lost I miss my mind the most

The only black magic Sabbath ever got into was a box of chocolates.

I have a genuine love affair with my audience. When I`m on stage they`re not privileged to see me. It`s a privilege for me to see them.

Sometimes I think my whole career and life has only been about a bloody Bat!

My mother was an amateur singer, my father was an amateur drunk.

I`ll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.

A life of booze, drugs and unprotected sex is only going to f*** you up! I mean, look at me!

Could be worse . . . I could be Sting.

LA`s not a good place to grow old. It`s a Paris Hilton-getting-fucked-up-the-arse kind of town . . . a town full of ambulance chasers.

Viagra`s a great sleeping drug. I take Viagra, and Sharon goes right to sleep.

`This has all been such an amazing journey for me. I can vividly remember sitting on the step of my house in Aston, just tripping about what it would be like to be a Beatle. And then, here I am at 58, and I`m at [Elton John]`s party. All these megastars are there, Paul McCartney or whatever. And there`s me with them, standing with all these people I used to admire. It`s like I`ve been in the music industry for 30, 40 years, and it`s just been incredible really.`

I couldn`t be a royal. It`s like living in a supersonic goldfish bowl.

(On kicking drugs and alcohol for the first time) "All I have to say is this. Sobriety F***ing Sucks!

`People thought [`_The Osbournes_`] was scripted but it wasn`t. They`d sit there with five cameras pointing in all directions just for you to slip on a dog turd or something.`

`I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol.`

I`m a very simple man. You`ve got to have, like, a computer nowadays to turn the TV on and off...and the nightmare continues.

On Sharon Osbourne`s colon cancer diagnosis: `I freaked out. She`s the love of my life, and she`s also, like, the controller. I couldn`t sleep with her for nine months because I was scared of waking up and she`d died in the night.`

(Black) Sabbath were a hippy band. We were into peace.

`The bat thought I was giving him the kiss of life!`

`I kept hearing that metal is dead and Ozzy`s dead and people that like Ozzy are dead. I have never had an empty seat. I`ve always sold out, so who`s saying it`s all over?`

The lifestyle I`ve been living for the last 30 years, I could have been dead a thousand times.

`One day, my son and I were arguing and he said: "Do you mind if people laugh with you, or at you?" And I said I didn`t give a shit, so long as they were laughing. But really, I was thinking, I wouldn`t like to know for a fact that they`re laughing at me.`

`It wasn`t as if I had a list, I didn`t have a resumé saying Tuesday - have a pint, strangle the wife, Wednesday - get bail.`

Recalling an LSD trip: "There were these horses in a field. They were talking to me."

`One night in Hamburg, I painted my face purple, and didn`t realise it was indelible. So I had to walk around Hamburg for the next three days with a purple head!`

`I suppose Americans get a kick out of watching a crazy Brit family like us make complete fools of ourselves every week.`

They say military have the so-called `secret intelligence` -- this amount of intelligence must be very secret, since I`ve never seen any intelligent military person, nor I have seen any sense in the bloody stupid wars.

Last year I sang for the Queen of England, met the president of the United States, and got an Emmy and a star on The Walk of Fame. And what did I do? I was just being myself.

Whenever I have a bad day I just think of these people.

What is this? It`s music to get a brain seizure by.

What is the world coming to?

Somebody said to me this morning, `To what do you attribute your longevity?` I don`t know. I mean, I couldn`t have planned my life out better. By all accounts I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through: the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I`ve lived the last 30 years!

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that`s OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

I cannot turn down this incredible honor twice.

I am a raging alcoholic and a raging addict and I didn`t want to see my kids do the same thing.