According to most studies, people`s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you`re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God`s final word on where your lips end.

(On whether family life produces better comedy than bachelorhood) The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you`re playing on a full keyboard. Whereas, when you`re single, you`re just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes."

It`s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

About pregnancy and babies: "It`s like getting ready for your own birth. Nothing prepares you ... When those eyes meet your eyes -- I was feeling things I never had feelings like before. I never loved anyone so much at first meeting. I love her so much! But! - Let`s make no mistake why these babies come here: to replace us. Their first words are `Mama,` `Dada` and `Bye-bye.` We`ll see who`s wearing the diapers when this is all over."

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."

You can be passionate about anything. Pay attention, don`t let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

[on whether family life produces better comedy than bachelorhood ]The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you`re playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you`re single, you`re just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.

[about pregnancy and babies] It`s like getting ready for your own birth. Nothing prepares you . . . When those eyes meet your eyes -- I was feeling things I never had feelings like before. I never loved anyone so much at first meeting. I love her so much! But! - Let`s make no mistake why these babies come here: to replace us. Their first words are "Mama", "Dada" and "Bye-bye". We`ll see who`s wearing the diapers when this is all over.

A recent survey stated that the average person`s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you`re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.