Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Modesty is my best quality

I don`t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don`t deserve that either.

[on Bob Hope] It`s not enough just to get laughs. The audience has to love you, and Bob gets love as well as laughs from his audiences.

[on The Marx Brothers] If you ever eat at the Hillcrest Country Club and Groucho is there you`ll find he`ll make you laugh in the same way he does on screen. Chico, I would say, loved women and gambling, period. Harpo was probably the sweetest man you would ever want to meet.

[on Al Jolson] When you talk about the world`s greatest entertainer you have to say Al Jolson because there was no one like him. Only Judy Garland and perhaps Frank Sinatra got anywhere near him!

I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.

[After being introduced by Ed Sullivan on his radio debut] This is Jack Benny talking. There will now be a slight pause while you say, `Who cares?`

[After being presented with an award] I don`t deserve this, but I have arthritis and I don`t deserve that, either.

[Commenting on the vocal talents of his radio show`s co-star] There`s only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.