Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that`s all you`ve got, you`re dead in the water. It`s not good.

It`s no treat being in bed with me.

On the movie Forrest Gump (1994): I just wish for once Hollywood would make a realistic movie about retarded people, where a retarded guy leaves his house, people stare at him for a while and then lock him up.

I like music that makes me want to kill myself.

I don`t think there`s one thing I`ve ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

Writing a book just might be the hardest thing I`ve ever done, besides trying to get laid in college.

There are things that I won`t do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won`t you do. I say, well, you know, you`ve got to find out when you`re on the air.

[On his sex life in high school] "Our rap was that if girls could only look beyond the fact that we didn`t have great looks and see that we have great personalities, they would fall in love with us. The truth of the matter was we had really bad personalities in addition to our ugly faces. Even the losers called us losers. And we were."

Well, first of all, I`m worth every penny.

I don`t talk about my salary.

Okay, well, I guess I`m still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I don`t like being 50 and I don`t like thinking about death.

I think I`m probably a little too desperate to be successful.

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you`re going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can`t apologize for it.

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

I will never feel successful.

I`m sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don`t think there`s any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.

I think people of lesser talent will become stars.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

`The New York Times` list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor`s choice. It sure isn`t based on sales.

I`ve always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I always resented the label of `shock jock` that the press came up with for me. Because I never intentionally set out to shock anybody.

I`m on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe.

This country has too many freedoms. (January 2002)

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.

Standards have gone to an all-time low and I`m here to represent them. - April 1, 1998 upon announcing his new Saturday night late show on CBS.

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do.