When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

You can`t help getting older, but you don`t have to get old.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Don`t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn`t ask me, I`d still have to say it.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can`t remember if it`s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I`d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Don`t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

If you live to be one hundred, you`ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I`d go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I`ve now reached the age when I don`t have anybody to respect.

I`m going to stay in show business until I`m the last one left.

You can`t help getting older, but you don`t have to get old.

You know you`re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you`re down there.

Age to me means nothing. I can`t get old; I`m working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you`re working, you stay young. When I`m in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

This is the sixth book I`ve written, which isn`t bad for a guy who`s only read two.

I look to the future because that`s where I`m going to spend the rest of my life.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you`ve got it made.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.