When asked if he enjoys being famous: "Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don`t. I`ve always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can`t do that very easily anymore."

The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.

There`s no way I can justify my salary level, but I`m learning to live with it.

I see my face in the mirror and go, `I`m a Halloween costume? That`s what they think of me?

We`ll never see national shows with 45 shares again.

Nothing`s funny about someone who`s successful.

I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they`re so rich, they feel they don`t work that much for all that money - and they don`t, for the amount of money they make.

Some people don`t like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

Nevada`s one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

I`m not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don`t think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren`t doing better than they are.

But I don`t want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob`s Big Boy.

I`ve got to say that I don`t see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don`t want to come across like that.

I`m competitive at everything.

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.

When the show`s in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there`s always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

On government: The less the better. As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you`re screwed.

Vegas is everything that`s right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They`ve effectively legalized everything there.

I don`t care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

When I play poker, I don`t like losing the pot.

When I`m working, I`m going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I`m just going to do creative work.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn`t you say so? There`s a support group for that. It`s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

I don`t miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

That`s the great thing about having your friends around you. I`ve known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn`t ask for a better work environment.

I honestly think that it automatically hurts me if I said that I supported the war in Iraq and I support the troops. That automatically kills me for getting a bunch of movies, a bunch of TV shows. People don`t want to hear from me.

Responding to a question about his childhood: "Weirdo. Weirdo. Underachiever. Weirdo. Weirdo."

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There`s regular people there.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it`s a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.