I guess I look so straight and normal nobody expects me to pick my nose and fall.

Every Vacation movie didn`t just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my three-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else.

They can`t make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make a movie called Chevy Chase.

I don`t know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won`t.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don`t mind being an actor so much now.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

It`s never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering.

I took a professional gamble leaving Hollywood, knowing I would be out of the loop. I`m not part of the movie world in-crowd right now.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

In the `60s, I started acting on these little video machines with my friends. We started a comedy workshop called Channel One in the Village.

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who`s Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts.

Television doesn`t make stars. It`s the written media, the press, that makes stars.

I watched every single Charlie Chaplin film.

Most of the films I`ve done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having an attitude problem.

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn`t want him in the White House. I wanted Carter in, and I had a forum of 20 million people watching.

I`m Chevy Chase, and you`re not.

I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons and where everyone their age wasn`t trying to get into movies.

The worst thing about Saturday Night Live now is that, in the last 10 to 15 years, they`ve grown to some 40 writers. We had seven. And seven actors.

If you`re in the White House, it`s your house, and you can invite whatever friend you want.

I think the Clintons are brilliant. I`ve never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They`re too smart for Washington.

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn`t hurt us, and cocaine was benign.

Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it when people shake my hand.

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs.

The first thing that happens is that you`re overwhelmed by so much attention. It`s just so unnatural. Only people who`ve been in that position can realize what it`s like. I mean, you have to be there.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else.

With Clinton, there`s no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying. But he`s also a good friend.

I tell the person I won`t take a picture or sign the autograph, but I will shake their hand. That kind of personal touch is all they`re really seeking.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn`t know who I was.

I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good.

Most people just want you to acknowledge that they did recognize you. Those who want an autograph or a photo is a different matter altogether.

On his reaction upon hearing of the death of "Saturday Night Live" (1975) co-star John Belushi): I was so angry I didn`t cry for five years.

On the outcome of impersonating former U.S. President Gerald Ford on "Saturday Night Live" (1975): "I did hear ultimately from one of Ford`s sons that some of the things had hurt his feelings, and that was a shocker to me. But I figured, `Oh well, he`s the President, he can take it. I mean, he has to, he`s a public figure.` Of course, now my feelings have been hurt so much, I know exactly what he means."