I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing "Maria" from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I sang a song at my sister`s wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

You know, when you don`t go on TV and talk about how many women you sleep with, some people in Hollywood, that are supposedly `in the know,` start whispering that you`re gay. If I were gay, I wouldn`t be ashamed to admit it, but I`m not.

I`m not comfortable being around too many people.

I`m 31 now. I think I`m beginning to understand what life is, what romance is, and what a relationship means.

To be honest with you, when I got into this I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

Well, we`re living in a material world, and I`m a material girl... or boy.

When I got into this, I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me, I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

My comedy is different every time I do it.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it`s not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

Well I have a microphone and you don`t so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don`t know if I`ll ever be as good a dad as my dad.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone`s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I shouldn`t be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

I`m not comfortable being around too many people. I don`t like being out in public too much. I don`t like going to bars. I don`t like doing celebrity stuff. So most of the characters I play are people who don`t always feel comfortable beyond their small circle of friends.

I do want children. I study dads more. I watch what they go through. I admire my father more than I ever did and my brother and my sister.

I don`t like being out in public too much. I don`t like going to bars. I don`t like doing celebrity stuff.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don`t know what the hell I`m doing.

The Wedding Singer will be the first time I`ve done a movie and Farley won`t be calling me up the night it opens.

My movies just kind of sneak up on you. I don`t have to worry too much about what everybody is going to say. Anyway, I really don`t pay attention to what the world says about my movies. I just care about what my buddies think.

I`m not looking to get away from anything. I like what I`ve done. I like what I get to do and I enjoy working with my friends. I loved those movies, but this is incredible.

I think the reason I don`t read is because, when I`m reading, I feel like I`m missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where`s my girlfriend?

I never had a speech from my father `this is what you must do or shouldn`t do` but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn`t perfect.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

I don`t know who I touch and who I don`t. I work hard trying to make people laugh. I try to do the kind of stuff that made me laugh growing up. I don`t have any secrets. I don`t know the reasons I`ve been so well received.

I don`t think about that. I wasn`t a kid growing up saying one day I`ll get an Oscar and make a speech. That wasn`t on my mind. So what I do is the best work I can do.

Most of the stuff I do on the show comes out of me just trying to make my friends laugh.

I do love the films I`ve done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and we`re trying to make people laugh and I`m very proud of that.

It definitely has learning a lesson about the way you`re living your life. I wouldn`t compare our movie to that, but it has a structure where it`s about a man who doesn`t appreciate all that he has and finds out at the end that life has been great and he has to enjoy that.

I don`t laugh at me. I used to. I used to get the giggles when I`d see myself. But now, I see myself onscreen, and I sure don`t laugh.

I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he never made us feel like he was pressured. I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I`d get so panicked that I would stutter.

This character feels so much like my brother. He has two children. He has a wife. He works with me. He chooses to stay in New Hampshire because he wants his kids to grow up in the school they started with. He doesn`t want them to lose friends. He is his family`s hero.

We just bought this house. It`s too big. It`s like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It`s just too big.

My mind wanders and that`s why I needed a Jim Brooks in my life. I did learn on this movie the most I`ve ever learned about making a movie from Jim.

When I`m up there, and I know the show`s coming to a close, in my head I`m saying to myself, Oh man, you gotta get off and be a normal person again. That`s what I don`t like so much.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I`m getting a little older. I see now that I`m taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

[after getting laser eye surgery] : Now I realize how ugly I am.